Hello Magical Friends!
It has been a hot minute since I have posted specifically on Welcome to Mushroomland. I started this substack in response to a breakthrough magic mushroom journey I had in about 2021 on 8 grams. Since then, there have been many more journies and experiences and messages from my higher self.
Howver, due to life, and a series of events and cumulated in a year that felt like an extended “dark night of the soul” - I had not visited Mushroomland in what seemed like a long time. You can get my Rachel Z Project show about this story above.
Since then, I have realized many things as it comes to LIVE broadcasting and what the messages in both Mushroomland and my Dreamscape mean. Since I was a little girl, I have had very prophetic dreams.
When I was 3 years old, I visited the Phillipines with my mother. On this trip, I have a memory… of holding hands with one of my cousins and spinning around and around and falling backwards and hitting my head. I blacked out for about 24 hours and then thankfully I awoke. Remember, this was in the jungle of the Phillipine Islands - back in 1988 - 89 the hospital system in such a place would not be at the level as it is here in Canada (as much as I gripe about the healthcare system here).
My mothers version of the story goes a little something like this:
“Oh you were very heavy and so when your cousin lifted you, you hit your head.”
I have gotten nothing else from my mother in terms of the story since then.
It was only many years later during my breakthrough magic mushroom journey that I have been able to visit that dream space when I was 3 all over again. At the end of the day, I have had to come to terms with the fact that I had a very abusive mother - not just physically but psychologically as well.
And I felt guilty every time I told my story because my mother swore me to secrecy to this fact.
I wanted so bad for my mother to love me that I twisted my own personality and everything I was to fit.
But you cannot pretend to be something that you are not forever.
I feel gulity even now saying that my mother was abusive. But that is MY story. It happened to me, and for far too long I have let my mom gaslight the version of the story because she made me feel guilty for even existing… for my birth ruining her body.
The good news is this.
Despite the cards we may have been dealt when we were brought into this existence - we all have a larger more magnificent archetype of what it means to have a mother.
Mother Nature. The great goddess is EARTH and Earth is the great goddess.
I welcome to give her a hug sometime <3
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